Every few years or so I have a visitor. This visitor comes in like an art critic looking at my life’s exhibition and says, “this isn't very you” “You deserve way better” “Are you sure this one is up to your potential?” “this one is keeping you stuck.” The critic makes it abundantly clear that the way I am seeing my life isn’t up to their taste but it doesn’t stop there. The critic then takes a match and sets each piece that isn’t working aflame.
The first few times the visitor paid me a visit I held tight to my art even as the flames burned me. I resisted. I wept. I bargained. I rehashed the details countless of times. I filled with resentment. I coated myself in soot because that meant I got to keep the art with me even though it no longer served its purpose. Even as it stained everything around me, even if it made me unbearable to be around.
The first few times the visitor paid me a visit I was so focused on the art that once was that I didn’t notice that the visitor rarely came empty handed. For each piece of work it turned to ash, there was a newer, bigger and admittedly better piece that took its place. Despite how much I loved the pieces I had created before, these new ones made so much sense. They spoke to the version of me that was looking back at them.
Soon enough, I found myself eagerly waiting for the visitor to return.
The funny thing about change is that it will come whether you are ready for it or not. The only difference between good change and bad change is how you deal with what has occurred in front of you. You can cling and burn, or you can focus on what it has made room for instead.
What makes the idea of change harder to swallow for some is that very often the unknown triggers the ego inside of us. The ego wants to protect you at all cost, even if that means creating unsubstantiated narratives, even if it means containing you within your comfort zone, even if it means subduing you by bringing all of your greatest fears to the very top of your mind.
In order to embrace change, you have to kill the ego. Imagine your ego as a person. What if you are about to start a new venture and this person follows you around saying, “Well, that’s never going to make you any money.” “Have you seen your competitors? You’ll never get there.” “Are you sure this is even a good idea?” The ego is a judgmental little bitch. Who cares if she comes from a good place? Cut her off.
Clear the noise so that you can feel where your gut is pulling you.
The difference between your gut and your ego is that your gut is never going to make you feel like shit. Your gut is never going to try to keep you from reaching for something you know deep down you want to reach. Your gut is the reason you have that desire to begin with.
When your ego tells you to stay at a job, a city, in a friendship or relationship that isn’t exactly right, your gut becomes uneasy. It becomes harder to tune in because there are so many things creating blockages. People literally experience stomach and digestion issues when they’re unaligned with their gut.
Reaching alignment with your higher self, the person you wish to show up as every single day, isn’t going to be pretty. Because I know this, I can confront change confident that it is for my greater good. My ego might want to pop up with “what if?” but my gut tells me that there has never been a time in my life where something has burned that something better hasn’t emerged from it. I choose to believe my gut because it has never led me astray. My ego on the other hand? haha.
When I turned 27 I knew everything about my life was going to change. As someone who has kept up with astrology for the entirety of her 20s, I knew of the infamous Saturn Return that would begin around this stage of my life. That is why this year more than any other, when change comes knocking I ask it to leave its shoes at the door and if it wants tea, coffee, water?
So far this year, the guy who was my boyfriend will soon be my husband, the city I grew up in will be the place I visit during the holidays and the job I thought could easily carry me into early retirement has reached its bittersweet end. Can you imagine what that ending is making room for?
That is how I navigate change. I see it as an open space ready to be filled with something greater than what used to take its place.
You are a constant inspiring, so happy for your accomplishments. Congrats on evolving and unlocking a new version of yourself and thank you so much for a new perspective.
Can't wait to hear more about the book club, I just joined one and had our 1st and last meeting in person since its official I'm moving to another state. Today is my last day in my home city, kind of wild and accelerating.
such a beautiful perspective to have, and so aligned with Saturn’s current retrograde! cannot wait to see all that you accomplish!